Monster
by ShesInLoveWithTheBoy
Summary: Edward realizing he isn't the monster he was taught to think of himself as. Oneshot, Songfic. Based off of the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Edward's POV


**I do not own Twilight... Though I'd love to own Edward (;**

_And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,  
And I don't want to go home right now._

I sat there in the corner of her tiny bedroom. Sitting still in the wooden rocking chair, refusing the urge to get up and lay next to her. My hands were squeezed into tight fists, tight even for a vampire. Fighting this burning in the back of my throat had to be the hardest fight I've ever fought, next to staying away from her.

I just wanted to touch her. I wanted to love her, I wanted her to love me. I wish there was a way I could get closer than this, closer to her. I'd give it all up for just a short, human lifetime with her. I didn't want to live forever. Not if she wasn't going to.

She mumbled my name is her sleep, and I swore I felt my dead heart beat. It was nothing new, she's done it a lot over the past few months, but it was something I'll never get used to.

Hearing my name slip out of her soft lips, even in an unconscious state, it gave me hope that maybe she was feeling the same as I was feeling about her. It was wrong, it was horrible, I shouldn't wish for her love. I should leave now, before it gets any deeper...

She is going to die one day. That's how it should be. She will see heaven, she deserves that. This kind and gentle human deserves to be a beautiful angel one day... If she isn't already.

I never thought that I would see heaven, but I am amazed to find that I'm sitting in it right now, or at least as close as I will get to it... And I loved it.

I loved my little piece of heaven. My Bella Swan.

and I wanted to _her _Edward Cullen...

Suddenly, the light of the sun peeked through the heavy clouds laying above the house. I had to go home.

I didn't want to. I wanted to sit here until her life was over... Then I would go to. It would be a classic case of Romeo and Juliet.

I let out a small sigh and decided that I had to go home. Though I didn't want to, I hopped out of the window, and let her sleep in peace.

_And all I can taste is this moment,  
And all I can breathe is your life,  
And sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't want to miss you tonight._

There I sat, next to the world's most beautiful human. I shouldn't be so lucky. I did not deserve it, and I definitely didn't deserve to talk to her, which I was going to do.

"Hello, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, I'm Edward Cullen." I said. She looked scared. I could tell that she had an emotional wall built around her, that was probably why I couldn't hear anything that she was thinking. She was a smart girl, I was sure of that, but I doubted she knew about me.

Surely she knew it was now a matter of _what _I was, not _who _I was, but she left me alone when I put up a wall of my own, for that I admired her.

I didn't breathe. If I did, I would surely take her life. "You're Bella Swan." Obviously.

"How did you know my name?" She asked, her right eyebrow shooting up. She was so cute, in her own little human way. The same way that seemed to have me wrapped around her tiny, breakable finger.

"Do you prefer Isabella?" I wanted to keep this conversation going. I didn't want it to stop. I needed more of her.

But I had to realize that one day, it will all be over. Her life will be over, as will mine, in just a such a short amount of time. I didn't want to think about that, though. I looked forward to later tonight, when I would take my place in that small rocking chair, in the corner of the small room, next to the small girl, who just happened to be the center of my world.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand._

I didn't want the world to see me. I didn't want _her _see me. But she had to. She had to know what she was getting into.

"This is what I am." I whispered as the sun hit my skin, and she stared at my in awe. I was awaiting her to scream, run, cry... Anything that would give my the slightest hint that she was, indeed, scared.

"You're beautiful." She whispered.

Great.

"This is the skin of the killer!" I yelled. Why didn't she understand!? Why didn't she see that I'm not _beautiful _I am a _monster. _

But she still didn't seem to care.

_When every thing's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am_

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't deserve to be laying here, next to this fragile little human. I didn't deserve to love her, and I sure as hell didn't deserve for her to love me back.

"I love you." She whispered, and that was all I needed for this hurt to go away.

Though I didn't deserve it, it made me happy. It made me smile so much that it actually hurt to know that she last words, every night, before she goes to sleep in my arms, were that she loves me.

Even though she knew I was a vampire. I wish she knew just how bad I actually am.

_And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming,  
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.  
When everything feels like the movies,  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._

I wanted to cry... I was trying as hard as I could to fight the tears behind my eyes, forgetting all about that fact that I couldn't even cry if I wanted to.

I didn't see her yet, but I didn't have to. I knew that she would look just as beautiful as she always was, just this time she would be promising me forever. Which, again, I probably didn't deserve.

Then I saw her. Walking behind Alice, next to Charlie. I saw her. In that gorgeous white gown... I saw her. She was beautiful. More beautiful than usual... I thought that was impossible.

I saw her looking for me, at the same time trying not to fall... I wanted to run down the aisle and snatch her from Charlie, but I composed myself.

It was like on of those cheesy movies. Yes, it was cheesy, but it was everything I've ever wanted. She finally belonged to me. She was finally going to be mine, and nobody else's. I had won. I had won the game I was unaware that I was playing.

I saw her blush as she finally found my eyes.I was going to miss that.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

"You finally found a way to kill her." I heard him say inside his head.

He was right.

How could I have done this? How could I do that to the person I loved? I would gladly take her place, I would take that pain, I would die, just for her to live a long, happy life. I would do it in a heart beat... If my heart could actually beat.

"You don't understand!" She told Jacob, her hallow cheeks sinking in even more. "I don't want _a _baby, I want _this _baby!" She placed her hand over the giant lump on her stomach, carrying the tiny child that I never should have put inside of her.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be alone, and unhappy. She was supposed to be in college right now, dating Mike Newton. Not laying on my sofa, giving her life to save my monster spawn.

But the worst part was that she didn't care. Throughout it all, she was still happy.

When was she going to realize the true monster I really was?

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

As I held the small, little girl in my arms, the world seemed to crash around me. This was my child. I was a father. She was beautiful, just as beautiful as her mother, who had tried so hard to convince me that she would be worth it.

Well, what do you know? She was.

Rosalie quickly snatched her out of my arms, and I came back into the real world. Bella was dying.

"Stay with me, Bella!" Jacob screamed, squeezing her hands harder than he should have been, it was probably broken.

As my teeth sank into her gentle skin, over and over again, it was so much easier than I thought it would be. I didn't even bother to taste her blood, I was too focused on trying to save my wife, the mother of my child, my reason for existence.

She was so broken. Her spine, her hand, and everything in between. She was laying there lifeless as I trying to fix her. Tried to put back the pieces of my life, of my Bella.

Yet, she still didn't know how much of a monster I was.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am._

Her red eyes stared back at me, with an expression that I wished I could read so bad. She gently leaned down and kissed our daughter on the forehead, still not taking her eyes off of me.

Then it truly hit me. We were whole. We had everything we've ever wanted. We've found loopholes, and back streets that no other human or vampire could ever find. We had a family, a future, and happiness.

We were complete.

Than I realized that she had been right all along... and _I_ was the one who was wrong.

I wasn't a monster... Because, if I was a monster, than that would make this precious woman, and child next to me a monster to, which they will never be. What monster could create these two amazing people standing here, looking up at me with adoring eyes?

Not a monster at all... But a man who found everything he ever needed in a small human girl, who was also now complete.

_I _was the one who didn't know who I was.

"I love you." She told me again.


End file.
